Lets be safe!Shishu!!

Hi Shishu,
This is mommy's first letter to you. You are as of today 5 months old inside mommy's tummy.
I love you darling. I just cant believe that I am going to have one little one to take care. one little one that will run around me. i am going to bring you up. i want to keep u safe. i want you to be safe. i cant bear anything bad
happening to you. I love you, i dont know how much.
And yeah, your Dad loves you more than me. He is crazy about you. you have got a wonderful dad. He is such a lovely and a sweet person. He is one who I admire. He is going to take care of both of us.
And your dad will go mad if something happens to us.
Lets be safe!

7th Birthday

Would you believe me if I tell you that Nats never remembered even one of my seven b'days that we spent together? Thats unbearable right?

The first four year, I kinda gave him all the hints that he needed(ofcourse, without realizing). I would start talking about my birthday weeks before and thats how he had saved his life for the first four years.

Fifth and sixth year, he forgot my birthday terribly, and only on my b'day I would tell him 'Hello, its my bday today' .
I know how pathetic he felt then, apologized over and over and I let him off the hook.

Today,being my birthday, there was his call at 12 at night. I was actually surprised because I kept observing him since last week. Yes I did. And never gave him a slightest hint that my bday is around the corner. I know I sound bitch here. Having known him for years now, I was pretty sure that he forgot this time too.

At 12 am,
J:I thought u forgot my birthday..
N:See, I am the first one to call u
...and all that..U bummer...

At the very same moment, I don't know why, I felt a little defeated.Perhaps because I was waiting to yell at him . I don't sound normal. Do I?

And only discovered later when my friend called me to wish. All that she said is that she had a chat with Nats just a day before.But the clever me found the hint.

So this is how Nats had got reminded abt my birthday. She has asked what plan for J's birthday and yes Natu got lucky and got alerted. But his luck shortlived. Poor him!

My immediate call after my friend's call was to him. After about 30 min on the call and my pestering, he accepted that he got the clue from her chat.

The moment he accepted that he forgot, the line went dead. Yes I cut the phone.

He should atleast have remembered if for no other reason, than to not to be yelled at! I would have been mad at him even if I had known that he has made note of my b'day to remember. Can't he remember a single date for the sake his beloved? I truly could not figure out why does his brain blank out when it comes to my b'day? Probably my transformation into a raging machine of pure fury is just not enough to make him ever never forget my b'day again!
Nevertheless, I l u Nats for whatever you are.

Did I hear you asking about my bday gift? Nats did you hear that too??

-J

Demoted.(To Husband)

Today is the first day in 6 years, 2 months and 27 days, that Nats and I did not talk to each other.
So what if both of us are in two different places?
So what if he has gone on an office trip to a resort.
So what if his day is full of meetings and activities?
Isn't there a break at all??? Didn't he think of calling me? Nevertheless, I kept giving him many many many calls continuously since morning 9.00 am.. So what if that is a very very important office gathering to you, Natu?

Ever since he (temporarily, I pray so) moved to a different place, I have told him that he has to call his wife and say hello atleast once in the morning,1 after bf, 1 after reaching office, 1 before lunch,1 after lunch,1 leaving office ,1 reaching his room, 1 before dinner , 1 after dinner (Yeah, that means a call after almost every thing)and one before sleeping and ofcourse he has to pick all the calls that I make to him.That isn't too much.

At about 3 pm today, he showed some courtesy..he messaged me that he is not allowed to make or attend any calls??..what on earth is the meeting all about??
He gave me a call at about 7 pm...Why would I pick the call in the first time?? 'Come on, Call me again Natu' was my reaction to that call. Wanted him to give me another call..yes blow for blow...call it whatever..he has made me make that countless calls ..And yes, he made the second call but to my mom's mobile..I didnt pick that too...Just another call, I would have picked up..but arrogant, there was no more calls after that from him..I tried calling him.he didnt pick up..how busy?? I remember he said he had a party followed by dance after the meeting... So what??When these ppl allow to have party and dance, wouldn't they allow to make or take calls?Fishy! Yet to hear his side story..

This reminds me all that he has done to me ( Yeah, he has done to me)

He no longer praises my cooking...so what if I havent cooked lately..so what if my cooking hasnt turned out good...so what if my cake that I tried became as hard as a brick when I took it out of tht oven?...

Did I mention abt that incident that night when I landed india after my onsite??
I realized only after coming home, that is about 3 am in the morning that I had put somebody else's suitcase on my trolley. that means I left one of my suitcases that had all that I managed to buy in US in the airport itself. Okay , I missed my suitcase...We rushed to the airport at that early hour, luckly the taxi guy accepted for one more trip to airport and back to home. All the way to the airport , Nats was shouting at me...carelessness, moron, stupidness, idiotic and so on. So what If I missed my suitcase? We are seeing each other after 60 days...no..that didnt work.

Another one. I brought the ipod that I bought in US safely and in a fully workable mode. Isn't that enough? He yelled at me for not bringing the accessories safely..Poor me

When he yelled at me when I lost that 10 K for a heath insurance through that credit card call..I just said ok on the call and they deducted the money frm the card immediately. hmm....Its been a year now, never got the papers in hand. He made me close the credit card. I no more have any credit cards. As if that is not enough, he now has all my debit cards too..:(

I am now a days little scared of him...
I dont like it sometimes...
He no longer deserves to be called Vaa, Po....
Am going to punish him with Vaange and Poonge(just like how I call him before my in laws)......
Yes Natu, You are going to be treated as a husband. You dont qualify to be a lover-cum-friend anymore.

-J
(written on 27th Mar,10.)

I like doing this

At 9.00 pm, today
I was in the office car...Was so boring to sit in complete silence...I was trying to get lost in my thoughts. And got reminded that next Tuesday is a holiday at my office

Immediately called Nats who was still working
After a few rings
Nats : hallo, call me after 10 min..
Me : Just a min..very important..1 min plz
Nats (talking to somebody) : 1 min plz
Nats (On Phone) : Tell me
Me : coming tuesday is a holiday at my office. Monday i ll put leave..i have a long week end..take me somewhere
Nats : wt???
Me : take me somewhere
Nats : hey, keep the phone down.(Cuts the line)

I laughed!!That made my day!!!Have to irritate him atleast once in a day. He he he!!!

Cya,
J

Am Continuing

Hmm…long time, Did ye know that I was actually thinking of abandoning this part of mine…just not able to do justice …
But..Bets frequent posts made me not to do that...I like all hers! All of these would be our memories ..they are no less than a photo captured!!!
And Sha's comments made me stick to my blogging!!

I have had good friends Bets, Prabs , Sha and Lc
With all the four I am not the same...and with Sha its lil dangerous. Sha and I laugh at everything and at every one....I dont do that with others ...... whenever we are together we have always teased everyone and everything(ofcourse a few are spared)...we would find everything weird and stupid!!oh dont get us wrong...we are two lovely females to be with...

Sha was the last one to lay her eyes on this blog...When she read my posts, she only laughed! I didnt dare to ask her comments on the posts nor did she tell me!! A few days back, she admitted that she actually likes my blog and that she wants me to continue writing...Sha, have ye ever thought I would pen this down??

cya,
J

Mokkai

How will you keep an Elephant inside a fridge?
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Come on,answer me? How will you keep an Elephant inside a fridge???
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Did you say 'I don't know'
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Ok. I will tell you.
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Open the Fridge and put the Elephant inside the fridge!!!!
hey wait.
now answer the next question, how will you put a Giraffe inside the fridge?????
Okay don't give me that look. Come on, answer me.
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Did you say 'Open the fridge and put the Giraffe inside the Fridge' ?
NOOoooooooooooo.
That is not the answer.
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Think....
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You will have to take the Elephant outside and put the Giraffe inside the fridge!!!

Don't give me that expression!!!
I will ask you one sensible question this time.Bare with me and listen to me.
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In the jungle, the Lion has asked all the animals to come for a meeting.
All the animals turned up for the meeting.
No animal dared not to go when there is an invitation from the king?
The Lion would kill them if they don't listen to it.
There is an animal not turning up to the meeting.
Can you guess which is that animal???
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Come on, Answer me!
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Its Giraffe..because it is locked up in the Fridge...

We were in the kitchen yesterday night(Did I tell you that the hotel people had given us one common room to all of us where we can cook and eat?They provide the groceries too!!!) we started to talk about all mokkai jokes that we know...And this is one of the jokes which I liked the most...and thats how it ended up on my space
Let me ask one more mokkai question on the same animal kind...please listen to me..please..I promise this is the last one...
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There is a lake which is always filled with crocodiles. So far nobody has ever crossed this place. These crocodiles will eat whoever crosses the lake. So none has crossed this place. But now, there is a man who crossed this lake. Tell me how???
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Because all the crocodiles were gone to the meeting that the Lion has called!!Didnt I tell you that all animals attended the Lion's meeting except Giraffe?
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Tell me how is it??
These are our school time jokes(....I didnt remember any of them and so i enjoyed listening to them when my colleagues were telling it.(I only remember the collage time jokes ; all those dirty jokes ;))!!!
Did you know this one? or rather Do you remember this?
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Slept at 3 yesterday nite!!!
Cya
J

Heartache

(I drafted it on Jan 3rd but did not publish it. Here I am today publishing it.)

Life, for all human being, I would say, is a curse in one sense....
You are made to march towards death....You are given no choice.
And, in the course, you may see your dear ones leave you...
You have to go through those excruciating pain of missing them...
Though time brings you to heel, you never stop worrying about the dear ones who are alive and never stop dreading a life without them..
Amidst all this, we also have to keep chasing our dreams.
I find everything under a curse.

Today, my friend's(Lc's) father passed away of after effects of a bypass surgery.
-J

How is it?

I dont remember being good at choosing colors or anything for that matter while shopping!

Whenever I would flash something and ask 'how is it?'

All the reponses I would get are

no jay..its bad
come on, put it back
how could u chose that one??
its gud, you didnt pick that up.Did you?


Shouldn't I mention who these comments are from?
They are bets(my pal) and raji(my sis) and nats(u know who this one is)!! needless to say these are ones who I have listened to, when it comes to shopping, without questioning them!!

Here at 3.00 am , still wide awake and bored and hence I started tinkering with the colors for my blog...turned out ok rite??
howz it bets, raji and natu????? ;)

2010

Wishing you a New Year filled with Happiness, Prosperity and Peace!
-J

Boo's Baby Talk

Happen to hit on this blog 'Boo's Baby Talk'. Was just hooked by it. I couldn't get out of it until I read most of the posts!! Spent one full day at office on this one! Hmmm..Doesn't this seem to be a confession that I did not work in office yesterday??? Oops.... appraisal time...hmmm...but...my leads are too busy to read blogs and hence I can very well publish this!!I just hope so!!!(By the way, I now have to let you know that since its holiday season I had very minimal work at office. :)

For all those ladies who are just getting ready to plunge into motherhood, this is one of the many many many sites to land up.

Cya
J

AVATAR

If you think that I am in for a review of this movie..well..may be you are wrong. But yeah I saw the movie.

I am sure this movie will remain special to me in the rest of my life simply because it is the first ever movie that I watched in US.

Well..I am not a person who watches lot of movies…but this guy nats is really really crazy about movies…he sometimes talks about directing a movie on his own..shocking??well…I was stupefied when I first heard it...that is not all..he has also told me a few stories..strange!!!!and will you believe if I tell you that he has got around 200+ dvds at home(crazy bugger)...yeah that’s something I didn’t know abt nats before marriage…he cannot be at home without the tv switched on.The first thing he touches in the morning as soon as he wakes up and the last thing he touches before sleeping..well it’s not me..it’s the tv remote!!it is supposed to be me right?? This nature of his irritates me completely..this is one of the few things that we fight abt.nevertheless..he is slowly making me watch movies, afterall some one has to compromise.

Back on track... AVATAR is a Sci-Fi movie. There is a lot of imagination put into it. My friends who saw the movie with me were thrilled about the colors, the light , the sound, the technology used in the movie.These were ofcourse brilliant, but the whole imagination is the one that amazed me...the basic plot… hooking the audience to the alien side and trying to show human(ofcourse not everyone) on the wrong side…and lot of creative ideas to fit everything together ...fascinating is the word…its definitely a ‘should watch’ movie..I liked it. And in the movie I liked the female alien character with whom the hero falls in love. She was perfect.

My genre would be comedy, something light and entertaining. when I get out of the theater I should not have those heavy and disturbing thoughts …and AVATAR would certainly fall under my category…and hence I liked the movie!!!

I see you!!!! (in case u don’t get what this is meant, please watch the movie…although I am not too sure of the right sense which the movie portrayed)

I see you.
J

Gag-Line

Today evening, my office collegues and I were waiting for the cab that will drop us in the hotel.
I overheard this when these fellows were talking
“An apple a day keeps a doctor away...If the doctor is cute, keep the apple away!!!”

I couldn't stop smiling!! Gud one!! Isn't it??

The first two weeks in US for the first time

Yes...nah....its Yep... Yep.. I am in the most dreamt place ...The US... In the first place..feels very nice .. feels like as if I have achieved a goal in life...that I have no other bigger dream to achieve atleast in the near future.
In case you are expecting me to write my experience... well...here I go!
I think my thoughts abt it should pretty much match with any first time Indian visitor. The place is super clean, I found people more disciplined and less bothersome about the others even next to them.
You get smiles if you stumble upon anybody's eyes any time.
You hear lot of 'thank you' and 'you are welcome'.
And the traffic is just amazing! India's traffic is nowhere closer to this one.
I like this place...just like any first time visitor!!
Matter of fact...I actually haven’t seen the US fully .. It’s just been 2 weeks....

There are a few things about myself that I discovered and am surprised about it.
They are:
1) I travelled all alone to US... Not losing any of my belongings during the travel...I managed to find the driver who was to pick me up from the airport and drop me at the hotel...spoke to the front desk in the hotel and got the key and checked in to the room all alone..there wasn’t any house keeping guy helping...nor did I have my colleagues waiting for me...for all who know me, can you imagine that I did all these alone? And FYI ,I lost my gloves during the stay..that’s the usual me.
2) I don't find myself missing my dear ones...of course I call them daily and make sure they are doing good without me.. With that piece of information given to me daily, I am pretty peaceful over here!!

I must mention that I feel obliged to my company for having given me this opportunity though I am still wondering if am worth all these comforts the company is giving to me!!!

Well...If at all there is something I am missing in US...it would be Nats...With him I would have had a different time over here....I have no words to express how It would have been with Nats around!!
Back to earth, I am sure I would not have known that I could also manage a good time here without his presence close to me.
hmm... these 14 days do certainly seem like a dream....the airport..the plane...the pathway to the entrance of the plane..the takeoff..all the jerks in the plane...the clouds..fly above the clouds....the crew..transit..the whole bloody place.. the weather...my office.. my managers who I have so far related them with their voices...I got to see them, the appearances that I have imagined for each voice are not even 1% closer to the real ones...
And yes..the snow fall...I saw that too!!!



hmm...I am feeling grateful to GOD at this very moment... And yes all these contented feeling would have not been possible without the support from Nats.... Without him I am not the person I am today!!I love you natu!!!!

Having said all these, there is still something behind my mind...There is something that keeps reminding me that the ecstasy is incomplete and the cause is that my father is not here to see all this and that I could not see a proud father.
That sometimes makes the bliss disappear.
J

Not a dream

For about 1 year I had traveled to office in a private van. The van used to cut across this place every day morning. Every day, when the van passes this place I used to watch the place with a sense of desperation.Even before the van reaches the place, I will look for it. I will position myself so that I get a good view of the place. Not an exaggeration.I haven’t missed watching this place even for a day.Every day after crossing this place, I tell myself that I shouldn’t be looking at it tomm. But the next day, I would get ready to watch that place.Are you wondering what that place is? It is the the US Embassy.I have always seen that place with a long queue of well-groomed and smart crowd.Everytime I saw that queue , I yearned for it and forgot.

On 12^th November,2009 at 9.30 am I was standing in that QUEUE. Stood for one full hour. My interview was at 10.30 am. Got inside the embassy at exactly about 10.25 am. Got the papers checked. At about 10.50 am , had an interview with a tall white. We had just a 5 min conversation. At the end of it, he said ‘I am going to approve your VISA’. I gave him a smile and said thanks and walked away.

When I came out of the place at about 11, I saw nobody but Nats. He was waiting there from 9.30. I saw the anxiety on his face. When I told him its done, I found him more happy than I was. hmm..a good husband!!!:)

Was it a dream…No it happened. It just happened. Everything was quick.More than going to US, this experience was something that I was wanting….that I would cherish.

I hope I will come through the whole thing successfully.

Cya,

J

On a Monday

It rained in Chennai after a very long, hot summer.Though it rained after a long time, to nats and me it was not pleasing. We were already annoyed that it was a Monday and that we had to go to office. Annoyed more coz it rained at 8.30 am, exactly when both of us stepped out for office. We were annoyed because we could not enjoy the rain, because we had to watch over our dress from getting wet.

We go by bike. yes yes... nats drives and I sit behind, teaching him how to drive and how not to drive every day morning. We did not have our jackets at our place rather we did not know if we have our jackets at home. We didn’t know where the jackets were lying, at my mom's place? his mom's place? or his cub board? mine?Annoyed again that we should go without rain coats. Since it was only drizzling, we started driving. After a few minutes, it was raining. We had to wait under a shade. Annoyance again...Waited for about ten minutes and started our drive.

Somehow we reached the place where my office car would wait. After staring at the car for a moment, I asked Nats "Should I go?"
Nats: "We have come all the way. If you want, u can catch an auto and get home. Let me go to office. Bye"
I had nothing to do but to get inside the car and wanted the car to drive me home. The car drove me to nowhere but to office. Checked into my office.

Unlike everyday, the security asked each one of us to use the hand sanitizer that was installed at the entry…That was because of H1N1 spread. As a precaution ….we were asked to ensure that atleast our hands are clean… While I was using the sanitizer, I started musing 'Will swine flu spread in Chennai, since that it has started raining in chennai??'…annoyed of the thought..sigh..My Inner being :"J,Will you go and work!"

Checked my mails. Didn't feel like working. Peeped outside the glass window next to my place. It was pouring.I wanted to go home and sleep…Annoyed that I wouldn’t be doing it immediately.

Then came nats call. He said that his manager declared holiday and that he is waiting outside my office to pick me up. I didn’t expect him at my office to pick me home though I would have wanted that… Following was a quick conversation we had

J :you never asked me if i have work or not I have work , I cannot come

Nats: Can’t you ask permission?

J : No.

Nats: I am waiting outsite. I can go without you.Shall I leave?

J : ok. I ll come. Wait

Pinged my manager and left office!!!

Now, it was puring outside, We did not have jacket, nor that we had to safegaurd our attire. It is Monday but we are going home. We got ourselves fully drenched. We did not look for a shade! Not to mention about the stares that we got during our drive back home. we enjoyed that long journey to home happily!!! It was like go to school on a morning and coming back home saying "school leave today!!!"

Time to re-think

I remember I once liked listening to all these soppy love songs when I was in love.
I found myself lost with the song whenever I happened to listen.
When the songs ended, I had smiles
I remember the same engrossment with friendship song lyrics during colleage farewell times.

Have you noted that a few things would appear more important and obvious only during the time when you actually encounter it in life?

You would have gone past the same thing so many times but it would have not been more prominent…Am I blabbering? Is my point put across??

I remember another moment.
A coffee machine in my previous office had a tag labeled 'Xpress'. Not a small one. Pretty big one stuck on the machine and I had never noticed the label given that I had gone to the machine more than once a day.
The day when I noticed the label was during the time when I was assigned to a project called 'Xpress'…
To all my infy guys. Does that ring any bell? :)

Today morning, I was commuting to office by office cab. I was at the window seat.
Chennai traffic at peak hours….I wouldn't have to mention the speed of the vehicles!!
Just adjacent to my car was another car.

And at the window seat of that car was a very cute baby…the mother was holding the baby.

The baby should not be more than a year ...

It was doing all possible attempts to peep through the window and the mother with no strain had the baby under her grasp...

I liked looking at it.Yeah ...I know..babies are cute always..they are good to see every time...
But…hmm..I felt different…It felt nice even at that nettlesome moment..

Now relating to my hypothesis, is it because I am at that stage in life?


Oh no no…I don’t have any good news with me yet…:)

Just that I realized its time to rethink about our plan :)

Addicted to Drinking

I do a lot of drinking nowadays.
I am earnestly trying to stop this very bad habit but all my attempts are in vain.

I have also read drinking is not good for ladies who are planning to have baby. At least I should bring down the level of it in my blood when I am ready to get conceived.

When I stopped drinking at nights, I felt paranoid and was not able to sleep. That was when I realized I am addicted to it. SHOCK!!!!!!!!!!!

You won’t believe I am so addicted to it that I get up in the nights and would ask my hubby to give company for a drink. Nats after yelling at me would give me the company. We do cheers and enjoy our drinks at nights.
Now, my next step to stop having this is to stop taking it at office!!
Yes, let me first stop drinking coffee at office!!!Hey,What did you think???

Only in memories

Appa

Did you ever knew that we would be missing you like this??

All four of us are trying to forget that you left us.. that you are no more..

We are living with all the memories of yours...

Memories are keeping us going..

A few months back, I decided not to retreive any of your memories because all the time i thought about you it hurted so much..... I cant tell you how much......

Days were then rolling with some thoughts of you off and on!!

Lately I have realized my memories of you are slowly fading..Iam scared that the memories of you will slowly vanish from me....

and hence I started refering back all the memories though it hurts...let it hurt..

but I want you atleast in the memories... appa…

A bit too fast!!!!

Days are running.
Week ends .....melting...
Week days..I Manage time between work,cooking food for N(trying to impress him with my cooking..looks like hard to achieve..hehehe) and visiting my mom's place..
Week ends..i get busier.... cleaning and catching up with my in laws…. and sometimes wit friends...wooow.....and blogging??

Shame on me as a blogger

Shame on me!
It’s been a very very long time since I visited my site, let alone publishing an article. To add insult to the injury, I even forgot my login credentials.
If one actually counts the notable occurrences that happened in my life between the time of my last blog and now, one would realize how long it is. Shame on me... Let me list them
1) Marriage (yes..mine..and ofcourse with N..Still couldn't believe that it happened..Got lots to say about it)
2) Shopping that I did for my beautiful wedding (Would say those days were my Spending Spree)
3) First Night (Sorry for being indecent)
4) Second Night (ok.I ll stop it)
5) Honey moon(We loved it)
6) My new office (the best place to work)
7) My stay at my new house(N's house) (was lil difficult in the beginning)
8) Visit to Thirupathi with only my in-laws.Note..only with my in-laws ofcourse N was there (Was different and I liked it)
9) Thani kudathanam(not my idea.but like the idea.he he he)
10) My darling sis's first company (now that, she has got the good start in her career)
11) My best friend's first baby (wooww,very very very sweet baby.)
12) My hubbi's grandma's first anniversary-function at home (I was doing a lot of housie stuffs like the perfect daughter-in-law,)
13)My Dad's annivesary(i have no words.I still miss him)
13) N's friends death and N's emotional state because of that incident(was little distressing)
14) My close friend S's wedding(had a gud time)
Look at the count.. Not to mention, this is the count of the significant moments alone... not even one blog on one of these...Shame on me...
I wouldnt say 'I got busy Or I dint have time.' Probably I forgot that I am a blogger. Probably I was little doubtful about if my writing ever interesting somebody... I got this wake up call from one of my good friends (P)...thanks P. Hope I don’t bring in this huge gap again... Expect my next blog very soon. You know I have lots to write.